Why Do Some Relationships Feel Transactional?

Transactional relationships run on exchange and scorekeeping, where giving comes with an expectation of return and favors are tracked. The transactional quality emerges when the underlying question becomes what do I get for this rather than what does this person need.

No. Some relationships, like those with vendors or casual acquaintances, are appropriately transactional and perfectly healthy. Problems arise only when we expect depth from a structurally transactional relationship, or when a connection we want to be close becomes transactional.

When a once-generous relationship turns to scorekeeping, it usually signals accumulated resentment, repeated disappointment, or eroded trust. People keep score when they no longer trust that things will balance out. The transactional turn is typically a symptom of deeper erosion.